Let me know what struggles you are going through with this subject.***
There is so much attached to losing weight – the diet, the exercise, the excitement you feel as you see the numbers on the scale go down. But there is sooooo much more than that.
Since January 1st, I have seen my weight go down by 30 pounds (yay me)! Most of this was accomplished by changing what I ate and becoming more conscious of what I am putting in my body.
I don’t think I have ever kept weight off for this long before…I like it.
Here’s the thing. It also scares the CRAP out of me. I’ve only told one person this so far, and it feels good to share with the rest of you.
I’ve come so far, but I am always afraid that I am one In-N-Out meal away from going back to my old way of eating. What about the stressful weeks at work and home where it makes nearly impossible to meal plan and cook homemade meals? Will one week be enough to throw me off the wagon?
I could easily get rid of all my bigger clothes, but I worry about what will happen if I gain all the weight back and I need to wear them again?
What the eff is wrong with me?!?! I have spent 9 months losing this weight and THAT is what I worry about? Haven’t I shown enough commitment to myself to even lose 30 pounds and keep it off??
Don’t get me wrong…I am beyond proud of myself and know just how hard I have had to work to get to this point. I look in the mirror and don’t cringe anymore…some days I even smile. I notice how I am more confident in the way I hold myself, the way I walk, speak, etc.
So why am I scared of failure?
I know I cannot be the only one out there with these fears. Right??
First of all, congrats on your weight loss!
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean about thinking you're one bad meal choice away between being healthy and backsliding. Sometimes, in a weird way, I think people with other addictions have it easier because they get to cut their addiction out of their life forever, but you always need to eat. I guess I get around it by making compromises with myself, sometimes I don't make healthy compromises ("Ok me, you can eat that Tombstone pizza but you're getting a DIET coke!") and sometimes I can make healthier compromises ("Ok me, we're getting that organic wheat bread pizza and you're only eating the suggested serving size with a salad!"). It really depends on my emotional outlook at the time, I use food to console or reward myself.
I figure that whatever choices we make for food, we're conscious of what our choices mean and we do our very best (without driving ourselves crazy) to eat as healthy as we can.
I'm glad you had the courage to post this, Mo. I've been striving to improve what I put in my body too, and find myself slipping back into bad habits whenever my schedule gets hectic. At least you have the wisdom to realize that it's not about a crash diet or quick-fix, but rather a commitment to an improved lifestyle.
ReplyDeleteI can also see in your blog that this battle is just as much (or even more) psychological than it is physical! Keep up the fight! You're truly getting more beautiful every day, and it starts from the inside out.